Monday, February 28, 2011


Today I can take a small risk in the interest of enriching my life.

Friday, February 25, 2011


I grow by doing what’s hard to do.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Just Breathe

Pain is hard to handle, whether it be physical or emotional. I hurt my back recently and have been in excruciating pain.The kind of pain that catches my breath every time I move. The kind of pain that sent nausea racing through my stomach when I tried to stand up. The kind of pain that eclipsed everything else I encountered.

A friend gave me some advice, to just BREATHE. She has suffered with chronic pain and said that sometimes that is the only thing that works. Long, slow, deep breaths. Breathing out the bad air and taking in the good. Out with the bad, in with the good, out with the bad, etc., etc.

This is something I also learned in therapy. Deep breathing, connecting with my emotions and inner self. I would sprawl out on a chair or lie down on a couch with the rest of my group and we would listen to meditation CDs and be directed to breathe in through our noses, out through our mouths. Over and over until we felt at peace, I usually fell asleep and it was very restorative.

I have come back to that healthy coping mechanism and feel myself healing, I can feel the restorative benifits relieving the tension in my back. It hasn't completely gone away, but I can feel it working.

When you encounter a painful situation or memory, remember, JUST BREATHE.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


How overwhelmed we feel when we anticipate the future, all that needs doing, all the tasks, the work, the potential problems, the responsibilities. I will stay in the present moment, and the past and future will fall naturally and easily into place.


I will embrace the changes taking place in me now. They are good.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


I will not try to complicate things or try to figure it all out. The answer is simple. I will look into my heart.

Monday, February 21, 2011


I can sit down in a quiet place and get in touch with myself.

Sunday, February 20, 2011


All the wonders I seek are within myself.


The beginning I make today is never insignificant or unimportant. It is the foundation of my future.


I am free to do and enjoy the good things that come my way, and I am equipped to deal with inevitable problems.

Saturday, February 19, 2011


I cannot control or change others, but I can change myself.


Today, I will seek a renewed supply of serenity, courage and wisdom.

Thursday, February 17, 2011


I can recognize the desire in my heart to recover.


No matter what I am going through, my soul can be at peace.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Best Friends

Do you remember your best friend from childhood? That person that you were with every moment that you could. You shared lunches, secrets, clothes, lip gloss and dreams. When someone thought of you, they thought of her. You were so close that you considered her mother yours and she thought the same of yours. Sleepovers, campouts, shopping, giggles,  you did it all. When something good happened, she was the first person you told. When something bad happened, she was the first person you called. You were there for each other through thick and thin.

I had a couple of these friends throughout my life. They have been there for me, and I hope I was there for them. I had lost touch with most of them over the years, but the wonders of technology has brought most of them back into my life. Having shared memories has rekindled the connection we once had to some extent.

Every woman deserves a best girlfriend, someone they can talk to and open up to. My husband is probably the very best friend I have ever had, and he has certainly shouldered many burdens being my husband. He has wanted to be the hero, to swoop in and rescue me. He can't. Only I can rescue myself. THAT was a hard lesson to learn. He can be my best friend, but I need others, friends that I can laugh with and call in the middle of the night to stay with the kids when I have to go the hospital. I have a few of those friends right now that I know I could call and they would be over here in a moment's notice.

"No man is an island..." a quote from John Donne means a lot to me. I had to learn that only I could make the changes in myself, that no one could save me and make everything better. I have learned that lesson, but I have also learned another, I need friends. I need my husband, girlfriends, "couple-friends", I need professionals and I need my family, to heal fully. No one should shoulder the burden alone, we were created to function together in life.

 “And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 1:22-23


I am grateful to the people who are helping me heal, grow and move along my path.

Monday, February 14, 2011


I can weather the storms and let them pass.


Today, I will concentrate on taking one step forward, however small

Valentine's Day

It is Valentine's day. A day filled with gifts. Gifts of chocolate, flowers, balloons and more. A day where people remember to take special notice of the ones they love. A day when those that are single sometimes feel the sting of that status. There is so much emphasis on being in love, falling in love and finding that perfect mate. There is so much emphasis on it that some people settle for someone that isn't right or doesn't love them back, just so that there is someone "there."

I spent a lot of time in my life searching for someone to love me for me. For someone to see inside of my soul and accept me just the way I am. I think that it is hard to find. You may find that love, but until you truly love yourself, you won't be able to accept it. If you are unsure of yourself, constantly suffering with doubt and feelings of negative self worth, you won't understand why someone could love you unconditionally. If you don't love yourself, your negative feelings outweigh the positive love that someone may feel for you.

Someone's love cannot save you, like the movies imply. You must first save yourself. A kiss from a stranger will not suddenly wake you up to some fairytale ending. The world just doesn't work that way.

There is only one that will love you unconditionally, that is waiting for you before you even know He is there. God's love is full, complete, perfect. He loved you before you were born, and will love you for all eternity. He loves you when you make mistakes, and He delights in your triumphs.

Don't go out there looking for the perfect love until you love yourself. For a bonus, accept love that is given freely without strings from a God that thinks you are perfect just the way you are.


Whatever my weight today, I am a worthwhile person with valuable contributions to make to those around me.

Sunday, February 13, 2011


I am not finished growing, changing and evolving.


Today I am glad to be ME!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Change of Plans

To A Mouse
The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men,
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy! 
The best laid schemes of Mice and Men
oft go awry,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!
Robert Burns, (Poem, November, 1785)
Scottish national poet (1759 - 1796) 
Today I thought about this poem and what it means. I am a planner. I like things to go my way and get frustrated when they don't. I often think that I know best and that others just can;'t do "it" as good as I can.
I learned a lesson today, I don't always know best! A hard lesson to learn. I am in the hospital and although I thought it was time for me to go home, and some of the doctors agreed with me, it just takes one to say "nope." I guess ultimately it was a good decision as I am in quite a bit of pain after I had surgery. 
Putting my health and ultimately my life in the hands of others is hard for me. Letting go is often frightening. We, as a society, are conditioned to be independent and to take care of ourselves. If we let someone else make those decisions we feel we are considered weak. We want others to know we can handle things on our own. To show them our independence. 
As I have posted before, I now believe that true strength and courage come from acknowledging the fact that we can't do it all. That we need help and support. 
I have heard it said that if you want to make God laugh, then just make plans. His plans for us and our lives may not make sense to us, but He knows what He is doing. I am working on surrendering control and letting God take the lead. I have found in the past that although it is not the easy way, that looking back on those situations, it makes sense. 
Truly, "The best laid plans of mice and men, oft go awry." So, take some advice from a recovering "control freak," and let go!


I cannot see the outcome of the journey, but I can take the next step.


I can let go of the need to prove myself to others.


If I begin to get bored with the mechanics of my program, such as food plans, I need to remember what it was like before.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Love Me For Who I Am

Everyone wants to be loved for who they are. To find those people that look at the inside instead of the outside. I have had periods in my life where I felt like no one really knew the real me. I felt like I had to be someone else for them to like me. In the end, the true friends I have made, know who I am and love me anyway. Take a listen and enjoy the young girl's take on being loved for who you are.


 Although I may feel lonely now. I will not feel lonely forever. This feeling will pass.


Every choice I make will teach me something and whenever I learn something there is success, not failure.

Thursday, February 10, 2011


My size does NOT determine who I am.


I am stronger than I think.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


I have the courage to make positive changes in my life.


Addiction is progressive. So is recovery.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


I have courage to go forward: to meet the new day, to handle whatever confronts me.

Monday, February 7, 2011


Only I can give myself the love I deserve.


I know my own body and how to take care of and nourish it.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Playin' Games

I like to play games online, mostly silly little puzzle games. Yesterday my son asked me if I wanted to play Scrabble online, and I decided to go ahead. It has been fun teasing back and forth and just having fun. I have a tendency to to be very competitive, so I don't usually play games with other people online. I don't want them to see my "dark side." I gave up all of those farming games because they took up too much of my time as I tried to be better than everyone else.

That is how it is with eating disorders. They are very competitive. Often girls will go on a "diet" together, and suddenly the competition comes out in them. They think they are encouraging each other, and maybe in the beginning they are, but it can change. The fun and games of "I lost 3 pounds this week," and "I ran 5 miles today," becomes an obsession. It can turn dangerous very quickly. It also happens in inpatient programs at hospitals or in group therapy sessions. That is why it is VERY important that a professional is there to keep everyone from using trigger words or statements and to divert the conversation if it becomes all about weight.

Group therapy works wonders, it did a lot for me. If for no other reason than I felt like I wasn't a freak of nature, because there were others like me. It also helps to get someone else's perspective on your situation, to have someone hold that mirror up to you and make you see what you have been missing. I just want to really encourage you if you are battling an eating disorder, to seek professional help.

Sometimes it is good to play my games alone, and other times it is great to play with a friend (or a son).

Thursday, February 3, 2011


This afternoon I got a knock on my door, I thought that my son was home and forgot his key. I was a bit perturbed, but as I corralled my dogs and answered the door I found it was my sweet elderly neighbor. I wasn't in the mood to entertain since I really wanted a nap. She just wanted to stop by and bring us some food. She is always making us dinner, or bringing us desserts, it is so sweet. Today she was at the store and in the produce aisle she got some BOGO deals and brought the freebies to us! Isn't that sweet?

Sometimes when someone comes a'knockin' at the door, and you just don't feel like answering it, remember that it could be some good freebies! This is a prime example of why I am blessed, I have friends that think of me even when they are walking down the produce aisle!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Up Early

I am up early. Don't you hate it when you wake up BEFORE your alarm? It is extremely annoying!

I have decided to take advantage of it and reflect on events of this past week. I spoke of something big that our family was facing, it was HUGE for all of us, but especially a new member of our family. (This is my family of origin, not a baby in MY family). We are all rejoicing and are extremely happy.

A lot of times you can plan for your future, but sometimes life throws you a curve-ball, and you just have to swing for the fences! We did and hit a grand slam! (Kind of funny that I am using a baseball analogy!)

I just wanted to let you know that I have really come a long way, I have accepted change with joy and anticipation. I do not fear the outcome or the future. Embrace change my friends, it is a good thing. It can bring great joy if you allow it!