Sunday, December 27, 2009

Precious Children

I first want to say that I am so grateful for my mom! She is amazing and has been so great to me in my life. If it weren't for her, I don't know that I could have made it through the things I did. She always showed me her love and never let me go to bed at night without saying "I love you."

But I didn't always feel precious as a child. I have had such issues with self worth and even at the age of 11 I felt like I didn't measure up to others.

Having my children has made me realize how much each and every child is precious. They are each made to be individuals, even if raised exactly the same way, they are each different.

Austin is very cheerful and seems to always see the good in every situation. He can have a great day even if someone punches him in the gut at school. He makes a lot of friends easily and quickly. He is sweet and empathetic and almost always has a smile to share.

Heath is more reserved, until you get to know him. He is artistic, and thoughtful, and highly intelligent. He takes awhile to really make a friend, but once he does, he is loyal and very fun to be around. He is kind, helpful and gives very good advice.

On Christmas day this year, an old friend from my Girl Scout camp days, lost her daughter to an illness she has been battling her whole life. I never met Kayla, but I know she was loved and was a beautiful girl. Her life was full of struggles, but she fought the long hard battle with strength and courage. Her mother Amy is filled with grief, and my prayers are with her.

This event really made me think about the preciousness of children, no matter if we only have them for a brief time or get to see them grow into adults. The time that they are children is fleeting and I feel more people need to be reminded of that.

Blessings to you Amy as you go through this trial, my thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope that you find peace.

Friday, December 25, 2009

I'm a Survivor?

I have been through a lot of counseling services, both in-patient and out-patient since I was about 13 years old. I have been told that I am a "survivor" of childhood trauma. It is true, I am. But it seems that I have let that define who I am.

Taking on the word "survivor" over "victim" is definitely an improvement, however, I am not sure that is what I want to be known for. I have done so much more than "survive," I have grown, lived, thrived even. I am a strong, healthy, intelligent, kind woman that is learning to love herself more each day. I want that to be what I am known for, not the things from my past that I have overcome.

Don't get me wrong, those things have shaped who I have become and even the most horrific things have taught me lessons that I needed to be the woman I am today. I just don't want that to be the thing that people think of when they think of me. I want to MORE! I want the following words to describe me, and like affirmations, if I repeat them enough to myself I will believe them.


Oh, I am sure there are more words that I will come up with as I move into 2010, but these are a good start. I already embody many of these, but am working towards the others!

Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year!