Sunday, November 22, 2009

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

I LOVE Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, LOVE 'em all! But...

For many reasons, the holidays are always rough for me. Here are just a few:

1. Most of the celebrations revolve around food.

2. My expectations are so high that I often get disappointed when things don't go just the way I thought they should.

3. I never seem to have enough money to get all the things I want for all of the people I want.

4. I find the need to be perky constantly, even when I am stressed or exhausted.

I am trying to come up with some new strategies this year to hit the "Holiday Blues" head on. I will post them as I come up with them. Do you have anything you do to de-stress during the holidays? Comment here and we can help keep each other on track!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Rolling with the Punches

I feel like I have been beaten a lot lately. There is that feeling that the "world" is out to get my family and me. We can't seem to get a hold on things to turn them back around in our favor. But then I thought about the saying, "roll with the punches."

McGraw-Hill Dictionary of American Idioms and Phrasal Verbs says that to roll with the punches is:

Fig. to absorb the force of a blow, as in boxing. You have to learn to roll with the punches. Accept what is dealt to you. Paul could never roll with the punches. He always had to get even.

McGraw-Hill Dictionary of American Idioms and Phrasal Verbs. © 2002 by The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.

I think I am over absorbing the blows. I am ready to fight back, to put my own "punch" out to the universe. I want to show that I am tougher than I appear. I have taken a lot in my life, but I deserve joy and happiness too. I am ready to enjoy everything life has to offer.

I will start each day stating that it WILL be a good day. When rolling out of bed, my first words will be positive. I will re-train my brain to think happier thoughts. I will not dwell on the tough things. The Serenity Prayer comes to mind:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

What would happen if I stopped worrying about everything?

Would I find joy in the little things?

Would I feel healthier in spirit AND body?

I'll let you know how it goes!

I am through with "rolling with the punches!"

Friday, November 13, 2009

Losing is not an option

I have found that I have a tendency to be a bit competitive. I love Facebook, I really do. I love the fact that I have connected with some long lost friends and have gotten to know some people from my childhood better. But I have a problem with it...I am addicted to all of the apps! I have to play until I beat EVERYONE'S score! What is up with that? I think it feeds into my addictive personality as well as my need for perfection. I don't know how much of a problem that need for perfection in online games is, but it is something I probably should monitor!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Keep Learning

As a young person, I thought I knew it all and no one could teach me anymore! As I got older, I realized how much I do NOT know.

The world is big and ever changing and sometimes it is overwhelming. I thought I might be too old to learn things. You know the saying, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks," I thought that was meant just for me.

I am a quick learner, but I really thought that maybe I just had reached my limit. Today I took a class that I hoped would give me a few pointers on how to run the computer programs I use every day a little bit better. I really didn't think I would get a lot out of it. Boy was I WRONG! I learned so much today and it invigorated me! I want to learn more.

I have put off going back to school for a lot of reasons, but today made me re-think that. What might the future hold for me? Hold on and let's find out!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Enjoying What My Body Can Do

Instead of focusing on what I do not like about my body right now, I am choosing to focus on what it is that my body allows me to do. I have many limitations right now, but there is so much more than running or hiking that I can do.

I can smell the autumn air and feel the crisp coolness of the breeze on my skin. These moments are limited here in Florida, so I enjoy them when they come. I love the autumnal smells, leaves, wood fires, apples, pumpkins. I love the memories that fall brings to mind, hay rides, bonfires, cider, pumpkin bars and soft warm sweaters.

I can hug my children and husband. I can hold them in my arms and feel their arms around me. That feeling cannot be beat, the warmth, the love that I feel in their presence is immense and overwhelming at times. I tear up thinking about how much I love them and how much they love me. Love, the perfect gift!

I can pet my dogs, feel their soft fur under my hand. Tickle their bellies and watch them roll around in excitement and love. I never thought I would be a dog person, but those two have my heart!

I can feel the warmth of a soft blanket fresh from the dryer! Letting myself get lost in the fluffy warmth that gets me all toasty inside!

These are simple things, but they were almost ripped away from me by this eating disorder. I am so blessed to have sought treatment and got the help I needed. I know that the journey isn't always easy, but remembering the simple pleasures of life helps me get through the hard times!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Today is a new day

I have not been writing lately and to be honest it is because I have been struggling to maintain my recovery. I had some setbacks in my health and was derailed with negative thoughts. I didn't want to blog about it, I didn't want to let anyone down. I ran away from my thoughts and I have been hiding out a lot. I have also run back to my first food! Wow! Feels good for a minute and then WHAM...GUILT! I have decided that writing it all down and trying to remain focused on recovery is the only way to go. This entry is "stream of consciousness," today and I am just letting it roll out of my thoughts and through my fingers! Everyone has setbacks in their journey through recovery. I am not alone and that feels good, even if it is kind of sad. I wish there was some magic spell or pill that would suddenly make me want to eat right, exercise correctly, take my medicine regularly and love the body I am in. Today is a good day, I am determined to get over the sadness and the regret and the guilt and the negativity. If you have a strategy for defeating the duldrums...leave a comment here on the blog. Let's make this a place of healing and support! I believe we, the survivors, can win this war if we fight the battles together!