Facing the Holidays

For some reason Autumn is a hard time for me. I think it is because I put too much pressure on myself to make all of the holidays that are coming up so special.

I love getting ready for Halloween, picking out costumes, decorating and getting enough candy to pass out to the little ones. I think I am trying to prove that I am a perfect hostess. I want kids and parents to think that I have the best candy. I have constantly been searching for approval from outside of myself.

This leads to Thanksgiving. This time I want to cook food that everyone will rave about. I want them to think I have the best rolls, pies, turkey, etc. I need them to say that I am worthy.

Finally, Christmas. I start decorating on Black Friday and my whole house gets transformed. I light candles that smell like cinnamon and pine needles. I cover the tree with lights and beautiful decorations. I pick out the perfect gifts for those I love. Again, I love to do this, but I am seeking approval again.

I want to simplify things this year. I will only do what makes me happy, and will give my family joy. I do not need praise from others, for I will take joy in a job well done.

Insights

Digging around inside of my soul can often be painful. It can also be very rewarding.


I have a few things that have been on my mind lately and I am going to share them with you.

• The world does not revolve around me.
• I sometimes have a feeling that everything is happening "TO" me. The statements, "why me?" and "poor me" become constant in my mind. I try to push these thoughts away and to be positive. It can be very difficult to let go though. 
• I have found that focusing on others helps me get my mind off of myself. There are others that are worse off and need my attention and prayers. By volunteering, sharing myself and helping to shoulder other's burdens, I move the focus from me to others. This is a much healthier state of mind and makes me feel like a more well-rounded person.
• I am stronger than I thought I was.
• I had thought that I could handle anything and then this year happened. I thought the world was crashing around me.I have been hit on every front, financially, spiritually, my family, my health. It never seems to end.
• With each new challenge I feel like I am going to not survive it. I feel out of control and I don't know what to do next, but if I reach down deep, I find the strength to muscle through. I find friends I can rely on, a faith that gets me through and the courage to go on. 
• There is fun to be had.
• Even when things seem unbearable and tears are on the verge of spilling out, I can find ways to have fun. I laugh with my friends, letting loose and making light of my situation. I go on walks (well, I actually roll along in my chair) with my boys and talk about their lives. I find joy in my husband's success and the love he shows me. I count my blessings and they far outweigh my troubles. 

I spend 31 days in the hospital recently and it was a great time of reflection. I pray that you find some inspiration from this blog and a reason to celebrate the blessings in your life.