Monday, May 3, 2010

Being a Mom with An Eating Disorder

It is not easy to state why I fall back into eating disordered behavior when I have a family that needs me. I know that being healthy needs to be a priority for me first, but if I can't do it for me, why not at the very least for my family?

This is a question that has been posed to me recently, again. It is so hard to explain why not eating and taking my meds makes me feel powerful and in control. Because logically I know that I truly don't have control, that "Edith" has taken over again.

To be honest though, for probably the first time in my recovery I have really felt what it feels like to be healthy. I like the way I have let go of the dizziness, weakness, constant headache and ache in my stomach.

I feel stronger over her, the fact that I was able to start battling back without being an inpatient helps. I had to get a little reminder from my wonderful husband, but that was all it took. I am back to seeing a psychiatrist, an endocrinologist, and an OB/GYN. My blood sugars have been great, even through my recent surgery. Each new milestone is giving me the courage to keep fighting.

I don't know what the future holds for me on a lot of levels, and to be honest some things are happening that are down right scary! But I am prepared to fight and ultimately to WIN! For me! (and for my family too).

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