Thursday, May 13, 2010

An Apology

Lately I have been quite negative on this blog, as well as in my real life.

I owe an apology to my readers as well as to my friends and family.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life making other people miserable. I don't want to BE miserable for the rest of my life.

I have had someone that I love very much confront me about one of my blog posts in particular. They stated that they were upset by my "Angry at my Body" post. I don't think I made myself totally clear.

I am angry at my body for not functioning like a healthy body would, not because of my eating disorder or the fact that I have not always taken care of myself. I am angry that even if I took my medication as prescribed and ate well from day one, I would STILL have to take my medication and watch everything I ate. I was mostly saying that I am angry at Diabetes.

I also want to state that I have just been trying to be honest about how I feel. Emotions are neither right or wrong, they just are. The real test comes with how we express those emotions.

I am not writing this blog to put myself on a pedestal or to put myself down. I am writing it to give an honest account of how I feel and what I am going through.

My husband told me that the only way this blog could be helpful was if I was honest and didn't try to sugarcoat everything and make it seem like I didn't struggle anymore.

I am an imperfect human being and for someone like me to admit that, it is very difficult, but very true. I have not always loved myself, but I like to put on a mask that i do. I am taking that mask off and sharing myself, warts and all.

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