Tuesday, July 20, 2010

What to Do?

I am at a loss as to what my next step in life is!

I am contemplating some major changes in career and lifestyle. I need guidance and a lot of prayer.

I have been praying for a "sign." Although I have several ideas, there hasn't been a big neon arrow pointing the way.

What constitutes a sign? Does it have to be something big and blaring? Do I have be be knocked upside the head with a mallet? Will some prophet come and tell me what to do? I would welcome just about any of these, and I think I got some this summer.

  1. I was injured at work, a job that I loved at times and couldn't stand at others. Things were getting rough there and the atmosphere was pretty toxic. I was injured and in the hospital when I got the call that I was no longer their employee. I was angry, I was hurt, no I was furious. Not really that I had lost the job, but the way that I was informed about it while sitting in my hospital bed.
  2. Next I was sidelined with the fact that I would need surgery on my foot and that I could not walk or drive for 2 months. I was upset, scared and frustrated.
  3. Next I was informed that the first surgery did not work, and that I would need another. This would add 8 more weeks to my recovery. I was devastated, defeated and demoralized.
  4. Finally, 10 weeks after the initial injury, I have not received one check from unemployment or from worker's compensation. We were running our house on a tight budget before I lost my job and now we have only one income. I am undone.
I think I have finally got the hint..."Slow down Rachel and focus on what is important."

  1. Myself-I need to take time to nurture myself and be as healthy and strong as I can be. I need to care for my inner and outer health. This means claiming victory over Edith, control of my physical health, and finally facing the demons of childhood sexual abuse. I am the only one that can do this. I have been and will continue to fight!
  2. My marriage-I have put a lot of burdens on my husband that have been unfair. He is not responsible for my recovery, I am. He is not responsible for my happiness, I am. He is an amazing man to have put up with me and my "issues" over the years. He is not my savior, he is my partner. I have had some fun re-connecting with him this summer and re-defining our roles.
  3. My children-I have two of the most amazing young men living in my house. They are growing and changing and struggling right under my nose. I have been so busy working and fighting illnesses that I have missed out on a lot of their development. I have tried to be a good mother, but this summer I have had the opportunity to actually be that good mother. I am so looking forward to seeing the kind of men they will become and being a part of their futures.
With my priorities in order, I can face whatever comes my way. Thank you God for the neon sign, the whack over the head and the voice of truth!

Onward and Upward!

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