Just when I thought I was over the anger, it sneaks back up on me!
I was abused as a child. It was ugly and it was painful. It changed who I am and how I react to those around me.
I have forgiven my abuser, but have been unable to forget. That ultimately is a good thing, as it helps to keep me from becoming a perpetrator myself.
The problem is when the anger sneaks up on me and all I want to do is throttle him! I tend to take it out on myself instead. I know this is a totally unhealthy thing, and I am fighting against it. Thank God I have a great support system and a fantastic family that loves me unconditionally.
Some day I hope to be totally over the anger, and the flashbacks. Until that day comes I must find a way to deal with the anger, the shame and the feeling that things are out of my control. I am working on it, but first I need to understand that this is perfectly normal.
Any thoughts?
I would love to see your comments here on the blog. Thanks for those of you that post on facebook, but I would like to have comments posted here for those readers that are not my facebook friends.
I read your blog and realize that we have so much in common (abuse, anger ... battling depression); I feel your pain and I feel your anger.
ReplyDeleteI want you to know that even though you have a GREAT support system (as do I) ~ you are NOT alone. The feelings that you share ... they are normal. In fact if you didn't have them, now that wouldn't be normal or healthy.
The fact that you (I) survived - that you are making a better life for yourself and your children; is a sign of strength, determination and compassion. The fact that you (I) stopped the cycle and do not PURPOSELY abuse those we love (I often find myself lashing out at the wrong people.) and are seeking help for the past is a sign of HEALTHY maturity.
I want to THANK YOU for sharing your pain and anger, sharing your story and accomplishments - Stay Strong Ms Rachel - Keep the Faith ... and Again, Remember You are the Victim and YOU ARE NOT ALONE !!
Hugs.
des
Thank you so much for your words of support. I appreciate them.
ReplyDelete