Kidney Dialysis is a Necessary Evil

I started Kidney Dialysis yesterday. 

I cannot say it is fun. 

I cannot say it is easy.

I cannot say that I wanted this.

I can say, however, that I needed this. 

Sometimes in life we need to do things we don't want to do. It isn't that we are being "forced" to against our will, it is just that in order to live a healthier/happier/more fulfilled life, we must do things that may not seem pleasant. This is one of those times in my life. 

I have written about losing control of what is going on in my body, or what I "had" to do. I didn't like it and I rebelled against it. I still don't like it, but I am accepting it.

If I were to refuse dialysis, or even taking my medications or food, I will die. There is no if, and or but about it. There are people in this world that have more knowledge of what needs to be done to maintain a healthy body. I will trust in them. This is not to say that I go with what the first doctor says without checking them out or seeing another one, it just means that I acknowledge my lack of understanding of some things.

This is another big step for me, because I like to diagnose myself. It drives my husband crazy. I will see a bump and suddenly I fear I am dying from skin cancer or some other ailment. By letting go and trusting others, I am truly nurturing and caring for myself.