Trying to Feel Better

I am currently unemployed, and dealing with some health issues. I can go for days without leaving my house. I have been known to stay in my PJs for 2 or more days. It gets gross.

This was sometimes fun to do on vacation, or the occasional weekend. It isn't so much fun when you suffer from depression and feel like your life is slipping away from you.

Many years ago I went to one of those home "make up" parties where they sell you products in cute little packages. The woman said that if we got up each day and washed our faces and put on a little make up we would feel much better. I thought to myself, how vain is that? To think that making our outsides pretty will make us feel better inside?

I have spent years trying to tell myself that my happiness is not tied to my outward appearance. That I don't need to worry about whether I am "pretty" to others or not, and that I can find the beauty within myself.

She was right though. To some extent. I could just stay in the same clothes for days on end and not wash my hair. My family loves me anyway. I could just through on the next set of stained sweatpants and it wouldn't hurt anyone. That doesn't make me feel any better though. I don't feel productive, or motivated to be productive.

If I get up in the morning, wash my face, change my clothes, and dab on a little lip gloss I am more likely to get things done than if I just rolled out of bed and onto the couch for the day.

I don't have to worry about how "pretty" I am, I just need to take care of myself!

Another way I am trying to feel better!