Precious Children

I first want to say that I am so grateful for my mom! She is amazing and has been so great to me in my life. If it weren't for her, I don't know that I could have made it through the things I did. She always showed me her love and never let me go to bed at night without saying "I love you."

But I didn't always feel precious as a child. I have had such issues with self worth and even at the age of 11 I felt like I didn't measure up to others.

Having my children has made me realize how much each and every child is precious. They are each made to be individuals, even if raised exactly the same way, they are each different.

Austin is very cheerful and seems to always see the good in every situation. He can have a great day even if someone punches him in the gut at school. He makes a lot of friends easily and quickly. He is sweet and empathetic and almost always has a smile to share.

Heath is more reserved, until you get to know him. He is artistic, and thoughtful, and highly intelligent. He takes awhile to really make a friend, but once he does, he is loyal and very fun to be around. He is kind, helpful and gives very good advice.

On Christmas day this year, an old friend from my Girl Scout camp days, lost her daughter to an illness she has been battling her whole life. I never met Kayla, but I know she was loved and was a beautiful girl. Her life was full of struggles, but she fought the long hard battle with strength and courage. Her mother Amy is filled with grief, and my prayers are with her.

This event really made me think about the preciousness of children, no matter if we only have them for a brief time or get to see them grow into adults. The time that they are children is fleeting and I feel more people need to be reminded of that.

Blessings to you Amy as you go through this trial, my thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope that you find peace.

I'm a Survivor?

I have been through a lot of counseling services, both in-patient and out-patient since I was about 13 years old. I have been told that I am a "survivor" of childhood trauma. It is true, I am. But it seems that I have let that define who I am.

Taking on the word "survivor" over "victim" is definitely an improvement, however, I am not sure that is what I want to be known for. I have done so much more than "survive," I have grown, lived, thrived even. I am a strong, healthy, intelligent, kind woman that is learning to love herself more each day. I want that to be what I am known for, not the things from my past that I have overcome.

Don't get me wrong, those things have shaped who I have become and even the most horrific things have taught me lessons that I needed to be the woman I am today. I just don't want that to be the thing that people think of when they think of me. I want to MORE! I want the following words to describe me, and like affirmations, if I repeat them enough to myself I will believe them.

Strong
Confident
Trustworthy
Kind
Empathetic
Proud
Understanding
Brave
Determined

Oh, I am sure there are more words that I will come up with as I move into 2010, but these are a good start. I already embody many of these, but am working towards the others!

Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

I LOVE Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, LOVE 'em all! But...


For many reasons, the holidays are always rough for me. Here are just a few:


1. Most of the celebrations revolve around food.


2. My expectations are so high that I often get disappointed when things don't go just the way I thought they should.


3. I never seem to have enough money to get all the things I want for all of the people I want.


4. I find the need to be perky constantly, even when I am stressed or exhausted.


I am trying to come up with some new strategies this year to hit the "Holiday Blues" head on. I will post them as I come up with them. Do you have anything you do to de-stress during the holidays? Comment here and we can help keep each other on track!

Rolling with the Punches

I feel like I have been beaten a lot lately. There is that feeling that the "world" is out to get my family and me. We can't seem to get a hold on things to turn them back around in our favor. But then I thought about the saying, "roll with the punches."



McGraw-Hill Dictionary of American Idioms and Phrasal Verbs says that to roll with the punches is:

Fig. to absorb the force of a blow, as in boxing. You have to learn to roll with the punches. Accept what is dealt to you. Paul could never roll with the punches. He always had to get even.

McGraw-Hill Dictionary of American Idioms and Phrasal Verbs. © 2002 by The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.

I think I am over absorbing the blows. I am ready to fight back, to put my own "punch" out to the universe. I want to show that I am tougher than I appear. I have taken a lot in my life, but I deserve joy and happiness too. I am ready to enjoy everything life has to offer.


I will start each day stating that it WILL be a good day. When rolling out of bed, my first words will be positive. I will re-train my brain to think happier thoughts. I will not dwell on the tough things. The Serenity Prayer comes to mind:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

What would happen if I stopped worrying about everything?

Would I find joy in the little things?

Would I feel healthier in spirit AND body?

I'll let you know how it goes!

I am through with "rolling with the punches!"

Losing is not an option

I have found that I have a tendency to be a bit competitive. I love Facebook, I really do. I love the fact that I have connected with some long lost friends and have gotten to know some people from my childhood better. But I have a problem with it...I am addicted to all of the apps! I have to play until I beat EVERYONE'S score! What is up with that? I think it feeds into my addictive personality as well as my need for perfection. I don't know how much of a problem that need for perfection in online games is, but it is something I probably should monitor!

Keep Learning

As a young person, I thought I knew it all and no one could teach me anymore! As I got older, I realized how much I do NOT know.

The world is big and ever changing and sometimes it is overwhelming. I thought I might be too old to learn things. You know the saying, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks," I thought that was meant just for me.

I am a quick learner, but I really thought that maybe I just had reached my limit. Today I took a class that I hoped would give me a few pointers on how to run the computer programs I use every day a little bit better. I really didn't think I would get a lot out of it. Boy was I WRONG! I learned so much today and it invigorated me! I want to learn more.

I have put off going back to school for a lot of reasons, but today made me re-think that. What might the future hold for me? Hold on and let's find out!

Enjoying What My Body Can Do

Instead of focusing on what I do not like about my body right now, I am choosing to focus on what it is that my body allows me to do. I have many limitations right now, but there is so much more than running or hiking that I can do.


I can smell the autumn air and feel the crisp coolness of the breeze on my skin. These moments are limited here in Florida, so I enjoy them when they come. I love the autumnal smells, leaves, wood fires, apples, pumpkins. I love the memories that fall brings to mind, hay rides, bonfires, cider, pumpkin bars and soft warm sweaters.

I can hug my children and husband. I can hold them in my arms and feel their arms around me. That feeling cannot be beat, the warmth, the love that I feel in their presence is immense and overwhelming at times. I tear up thinking about how much I love them and how much they love me. Love, the perfect gift!

I can pet my dogs, feel their soft fur under my hand. Tickle their bellies and watch them roll around in excitement and love. I never thought I would be a dog person, but those two have my heart!

I can feel the warmth of a soft blanket fresh from the dryer! Letting myself get lost in the fluffy warmth that gets me all toasty inside!

These are simple things, but they were almost ripped away from me by this eating disorder. I am so blessed to have sought treatment and got the help I needed. I know that the journey isn't always easy, but remembering the simple pleasures of life helps me get through the hard times!